Short Live the King

April 15, 2009 at 2:06 pm (Game Time) (, )

I hate Varian Wrynn so much. And it’s not just because I’m for the Horde.

The thing is, I can’t get over how much of an ass he is. It doesn’t help that people think he’s badass and cool for being a complete and utter a-hole; every time I hear someone singing Varian’s praises I want to gag a little. Really? He bugs me for the exact same reason Fandral Staghelm does, which is that his ability and/or desire to make decision for the benefit of his people is consistently overridden by his personal desires and vendettas.

In the Secrets of Ulduar trailer, he doesn’t do anything heroic or even good–he allows his hatred of Thrall and orcs to override any sense in seeing that HELLO, OLD GOD, can’t we just, you know, agree to disagree and maybe work together to keep this evil out? Sir? Your Highness, King of Stormwind?

But, no. What would his people say if they knew his reaction to a dire threat was to brawl in public?

Look, I know that in the comic Varian Wrynn’s been through a lot–kidnap, amnesia, being a gladiator. But the fact of the matter is that his kidnap and amnesia? Were not Thrall’s fault. They were not even the orcs’ fault, unless the orcish individuals in question were part of the Defias Brotherhood, which, again–not affiliated with the Horde. And quite frankly the reason the Defias were even attacking him was because he allowed his nobles to kick them out without payment. Really, Varian? You make stonemasons work and rebuild your city for four years and then throw them out with paying what you agreed to pay? And you’re surprised they lashed out at you? Please, you asshole. And another thing, why the fuck would Thrall or the Horde want to sabotage you on your way to a peace conference? Seriously? You can’t have the possibility of an alliance without both parties wanting to talk.

And another thing–blaming Thrall for the gladiators? Look, I know Varian doesn’t exactly know Thrall’s history, but Thrall was raised in slavery to be a gladiator. Being denied freedom and forced to live a life of brutality for the amusement of others? He’s been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, lost it in battle. You don’t see Thrall demanding retribution from the entire Alliance for the wrongs done him in his youth, do you? You don’t see him demanding Varian lose his head for Tabetha’s death, do you? No, because he’s not a self-absorbed asshat like Varian Wrynn. He understands that the wrongs of the few shouldn’t be attributed to the many or even thrown onto the shoulders of a scapegoat. But Thrall is Varian’s scapegoat; he is the person Varian blames for all his problems when, quite frankly, some of them were rooted in his own arrogance and greed. And Varian is allowing his personal mad-on for Thrall affect his ability to rule. That doesn’t make him cool or badass; that makes him Fandral fucking Staghelm, the guy people let Horde raids take out because nobody likes him.

I understand that Varian is also grieving for Bolvar Fordragon. Hey, they were best buddies, they barely got a chance to say hello to each other before he was killed. I see the grief, I sympathize, I do not sympathize with allowing his grief to endanger his people. Seriously, he is not the only person to lost someone in that battle. He makes his whole spiel about the Alliance losing more people, well, that’s just the way the cookie rolls sometimes and considering the Horde probably lost significant, elite (they were on wolves, after all) troops as well–who is he to go around saying WE LOST MORE AND SO WE ARE JUSTIFIED IN HATING YOU BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T LOSE AS MANY rather than hating, you know, the guy who made the plague? And orchestrated its use? You know, some dude named VARIMATHRAS THE MOTHERFUCKING DREADLORD.

Look, I know that Varian doesn’t know half this stuff. But the reason he doesn’t know half this stuff isn’t that the Horde won’t talk to him–Thrall answered the summons to Dalaran pretty quickly, and he had to have known that if Jaina was calling then the Alliance was probably involved somehow, and he was probably also hoping that Dalaran being, you know, neutral territory would help keep hostilities at bay and oh oh oh let’s not forget that he had to have beenwilling to talk for the initial peace conferences anyway–it’s that Varian completely shuts down any possibility of communication. He refuses to examine how the Alliance was the cause of his troubles, how members of the Horde don’t represent the entire Horde, and instead focuses on hating Thrall who, quite frankly, hasn’t really given him a reason for hate except that he’s an orc and members of his Horde happen to engage in reprehensible activities.

And, as his little hissyfit in the Secrets of Ulduar trailer shows, he’s perfectly willing to allow his personal and pretty unreasonable and irrational hate for Thrall wreck attempts at alliance in the face of the greater evil, ie. Yogg-Saron and the fucking Lich King (who, by the way, was originally human and therefore originally Alliance). Did Varian not realize that losing Northrend would also result in his own men being lost, thus rendering the loss of Bolvar’s life completely insignificant? Yeah, way to honor your friend there, Varian. Let your hotheadedness and willful blindness and scapegoating and inability to get your head out of your ass render his death completely useless, I’m sure Fordragon really appreciates it.

Granted, Garrosh Hellscream didn’t act any better. But Thrall, who is warchief of the Horde and therefore the one who would be in charge of orchestrating any peace or alliance, didn’t act. He did not go into that room in Dalaran with hostile intent. He went in with the knowledge that bad shit is going down, maybe we’d better sit down and listen to the powerful mage people and maybe decide what to do so we don’t all friggin’ die.

So congrats, Blizzard. Varian Wrynn is indeed the anti-Thrall. He’s a completely unlikable jerkface who needs to die in a fire ASAP, and good riddance to him say I.


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Let’s Play A Guessing Game

September 23, 2008 at 8:07 am (Game Time) ()

Wrath of the Lich King has filled me with RAGE.

I’m glad to see that Jaina’s getting a role–and an important one–as peacekeeper between the Horde and the Alliance, and I’m glad to see that her peacekeeping role includes freezing a whole damn army and teleporting away from the battlefield. The shipper in me is glad to see that Jaina’s keeping ties with Thrall.

What I’m not glad to see is that Sylvanas gets overthrown. Blah blah Varimathras is a Dreadlord blah blah powerful demon BLAH BLAH BLAH. Sure, Jaina gets a bigger and more visible role in WotLK but even though she rules Theramore and is more or less one of the Alliance’s biggest ties to the Horde, she’s not a leader on the same scale that Tyrande and Sylvanas are–the only female racial leaders in the game.

Guess which two racial leaders are facing dire threats to their power as sovereigns? That’s right. The female ones. Guess which two racial leaders are facing dire threats to their power and sovereigns from <i>male</i> challengers? GUESS THE GENDER OF THE RACIAL LEADER WHO WAS OUTRIGHT OVERTHROWN BY HER MALE CHALLENGER.

Good fucking god, Blizzard. One point for giving Jaina a visible role which she deserved earlier, considering she was one of the main characters in Warcraft III. Negative fifty for overthrowing female rulers in favor of male rulers and halving the number of female racial leaders you have by 50%. Negative five hundred fucking million for the comic scan that has Jaina looking like a fucking whore.

EDIT: Okay, so Sylvanas retakes the Undercity and Varimathras gets killed. Fine. Fine!

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FAIL, Kalec!

May 27, 2008 at 10:12 am (Game Time) ()

From the Kil’jaeden encounter in the Sunwell —

Anveena: I serve only the master now.
Kalec: Anveena, you must awaken, this world needs you.
Anveena: But I’m… lost. I cannot find my way back.
Kalec: You must let go! You must become what you were always meant to be! The time is now, Anveena!
Anveena: Kalec…? Kalec?
Kalec: Anveena, I love you! Focus on my voice, come back for me now! Only you can cleanse the Sunwell!
Anveena: The nightmare is over, the spell is broken! Goodbye, Kalec, my love!
Kalec: Yes, Anveena! Let fate embrace you now!

Kalec, don’t you know that you’re supposed to express at least a little distress when the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE is about to be converted into RAW MAGICAL ENERGY, eliminating a demon lord but also ERADICATING HER SELF?

Note: NEVER FALL FOR A BLUE DRAGON. He will not give a shit when I am noble and self-sacrificing (gag gag gag) and die.

Note II: the female character has an entirely passive role (first as a prisoner, then as a power source, then as a sacrifice) and must die at the behest of the male character. Self-sacrifice is a typically feminine trait? Kalec does not seem to give a shit. Conclusion: WoW is sexist! Not…that that’s anything new…I could write a whole fucking essay on how the representation of men and women in WoW is skewed. Several essays. *sigh*

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